The jeans reality hits

Oh shut up, Gok. Feel urge to throw something at the telly, or tweet something pithy that’ll get lots of retweets. Leave the poor woman alone and stop trying to throw out her stone washed jeans. Let her wear what she wants.

Maybe she doesn’t want to look like an on-trend, belt-wearing, big-haired clone.

And those ‘random’ swimsuit models you picked off the street are all 19 and have never eaten cake, EVER.

Try dressing someone for whom wearing two pairs of matching shoes is an achievement.

Buxom Botticelli babe, ravishing Raphael. I could be a muse in another century but not in the age of skinny-minny jeans.

Even before egg met sperm that was a struggle. I strain to pull my fat jeans on and look up ‘weight gain in early pregnancy’ on my phone.

Guess I’ll be following mum’s advice about the trousers after all.